Closure.

Well folks it's been a pleasure, but I am here to let you all know that I am moving on. Yep, will be starting a whole new blog in light of the new direction in my life. :) I have come to find out the truth, and the truth is supposed to set you free, huh? Well, it has. In hindsight, we can always tell ourselves that we were fools, and idiots for believing what was going on, and then see the truth of it later, realizing that we were manipulated, deceived and downright played, by people in our lives who we thought were the greatest, but are absolutely evil and without remorse, as well as being some of the most hypocritical in this world.

With that said, I have been lied to and manipulated by this person for the last 3 1/2 months. And it's come to an end now, with the truth. Ironically, not the truth from her. What a relief to finally sleep a full 8 hours in a night, (first time in 3 months) knowing that she is someone else's problem, and not mine. I hope he can move through and find the lies sooner than I did, or it's going to be a long road for him.

As for me, I don't depart as a victim nor as an innocent participant to what has happened. The only good thing that has come out of this entire debacle is that I have become a better person. I have come to terms, to how I have treated people in the last 10 years, and realize now the amount of anger and resentment that I have let rule my life and how I treat others. I used to keep everyone at arms length, even my closest relationships. Falsely protecting myself from failure, and rejection. What you guys probably don't know is that I have made major steps in my life to become a better person. And while few to none may know about the attempts at atonement that I've made, I am probably still getting blamed for being an asshole, jerk and a horrible person. So be it. No worries anymore. I no longer take blame nor responsibility for this persons situation or feelings. I've made my peace, and my apologies and they, in turn, have gone above and beyond to do me harm.

What has helped the most in this time? Well, it's knowing the truth recently to the extent of what has been happening the last few months, not only to me, but to the other person involved. I will not say more about that, as that is not necessary. I will only say, that I no longer will hide anything, nor will I lie about anything, in the regard of protecting myself or her from embarrassment. If anyone wants to chat, and know, or ask me (just to know the other side of the story, since there's always 2 sides to any story) feel free to email me, or call me. :) Otherwise this subject is closed. It's amazing how in the face of terminal illness she chooses to lead an utterly dishonest lifestyle and hurt the ones who want to help her most. A more manipulative and professionally deceitful person I have not met. A bold face liar.

This will be my last posting to this blog site, as it was started with a life that I wanted to work on, and that has completely failed from both ends. So I will be starting a whole new blog to catalog and document my new life, and new adventures, as I mark off things I have wanted to do around the world, from MY list...yep, it has become MY list of things to do, only. It no longer holds any value, other than to me. :)

I have re-discovered my family. I have reached out and spoken to my dad, and we speak now on a regular basis, and we are coming to terms with what has become of both of our lives. Just know that the cycle of abuse, has come to an end with my actions. I refuse to allow emotional abuse to control my thoughts and actions, or for me to continue down that road.

I feel so much better, and I know that I may lose people in this transaction, and that is fine with me. I have also discovered my true friends and those that would stick with me and give me sound advice. If anyone wants to come along on this new adventure, just email me to cromh3@gmail.com and I will send you the new blog site. For those that don't want to, or don't believe anything I say, then I say to you, good bye and good luck, it's been a pleasure and maybe our paths will cross later in life. :)

Anyone want to speak to me in person, or bring this up, or call me out....you know how to get a hold of me, and I am not running anymore. I will be available.

So long folks.

Be well. :)

Rick

Todays Run

Ran 5 miles today, in 45 minutes. Not horrible, for not having a major running plan. Just been putting in miles. It is a sub 10 min mile average for me, and that is fine. Will work on putting in more miles.

Community service..

..at "the steps" at 16th and Moraga. as noted by the picture directly above. ^^


anyway, here are some more. It has been fun getting out and taking some time off work. And of course, doing my part for the community by taking the local retards out to see these historic sites and let them "jump" around. :D

You can go here to check out more pics of the steps.


Thanks Jes. :P

Sorry kid!

I'm sorry for opening the incision on your chest. I was pushing hard and fast, trying to make your heart start again. Know that I would not have stopped giving you compressions till the job was done, even though I could see your chest opening and blood covering my fingertips. I was trying to help save your life.
I was torn when you came back...blank stare, pale skin.....only to watch you start to slip again. I watched your parents hold you as you drew your last breath, and I thought inside of my head, if I would have the same courage they had, to hold my love in my arms, as she drew her last breath. I'd like to think so, but I may never know. :(

I am departing from this blog site for a while.

Alpha Mike Foxtrot!

finished piece..

So yesterday was a very trying day, as well as a very fun day, and hopefully some stuff has gotten better. In my mind at least. Anyway, without boring you guys. In the evening, I decided to try and see if I could get some ink work done before going to my friend Bryan and Linda's house.

I said I could be there at 4pm and leave at 6pm and my tattoo guy complied. So here is a photo of the before (the progress that we had made on the chest piece) and then the completed parts after 2 hours of sitting. Also, I think I may have figured out the perfect combination of pain killers as well. hahaha

Might see about a bit of work on the facial part of the tattoo, to bring out the features with stronger color. We'll see. If not, then all that is left for this side is the background and I can't wait to start that.

On another note...I'm trying...trying very hard to remain sane lately. I feel like a fool for believing, especially when I see the good reasons that I should be lied to, but am probably full of it. I think I need a change of environment.

anyway...photos.

One day off...

..so figured I'd do something fun. I decided to hit up Skaggs road up north. It's a 46 mile long road, beset with twisties, switchbacks, climbs, downhills and sheer cliffs that will make your heart stutter. A fun road indeed.
I got home about 8am, showered and into bed....didn't quite fall asleep right away. haha

Woke up at noon, and on the road by noon thirty. Rode over Mt. Tam and through Muir woods. Yes, Jes, it is nice out there. :) Dropped down to Stinson Beach and I was truly depressed that I've let so much time go by since I used to come out to this area of California. We used to ride out here, at least once a week. Anyway, the ride was good, moderate traffic, sunshine but really cold. A bone chilling cold. Finally after 110 miles, I arrived at Stewarts point. (pictured). This used to be a 3rd generation run, general store. Had all the little things you'd want when stopping in, including gasoline. hahahaha. Now, you better have added gasoline in your bike, or hope you don't run out. Sucks, cause it was a great place for folks to meet up other riders.

Last photo is of the entrance to skaggs rd. it goes over the mtn range down into the valley, kind off. Hwy 101 is down there and that is where I was going. The last 20 miles of this road are amazing. Long, fast sweepers where I was cranking through about 80mph.

Pulled over in Guerneville to warm up. then the long ass tired commute to SF. Stopped in at Jones Bar & Grill, for some shitty coffee, made better by the Baileys that this temptress poured in it. :D

oy, Insomnia!!!

Gonna try to outwit my insomnia and catch a couple hours of snooze this morning, so I can go on a motorcycle ride north along the PCH up to Stewarts Point. A small General store, marks this intersection, and then I'll cut east, over the mtns, via Skaggs rd. 46 miles of twisty mayhem into the valley, and then on hwy 101 south back into the city. Will try and get some photos for whoever actually reads this blog. hahaha not many, I think.

Then a few choices on what to do. None of which sound appealing at the moment.

Brownie is hassling me on a 30 miler in Cool, Co. in March.. Hmmmmm....could be a motivator. :)

A co-worker of mine from Stanford is asking me to run a half-marathon down in Pismo Beach on Feb 1st, with them. We'll see. Who knows if I'll be in shape.

Pictures..yes, pictures...I'll get some today.

I owe someone a ride up the PCH on the motorcycle, and can't wait to happily oblige. :)

Good riddance...

...to a piece of shit!

O.J. Simpson gets 33 years in prison, with possibility of parole at 1/3 served sentence...so at least 9 years in the pen.

wtf?! and where can I get one?!

HAHAHAHA! this made me laugh out loud. What every Mexican kid should want for Xmas.

Zeitgeist

Here's a shot a friend of mine sent me from Zeitgeist. Some photographer was taking photos in the back yard, which is rare that they allow photos at this bar in SF. That's Jeremy and his girl, Sofia, and myself, enjoying some PBR that evening.

Last week, I decided to go for a ride after work. Thanksgiving day, to be exact. Rode out from SF to Oakland and into the hills to "the wall" A common motorcycle hang out spot where a lot of motorcyclists hang out. When clear, you can see all the way to the Pacific Ocean. It's actually pretty stunning and calming.

Had to clear my head, and figure some things out. I had seen that some of the other guys might stop by after an early morning ride before heading home for Thanksgiving duties.

I arrived right around 8am. Chilled, as it is super quiet up there, and the fog was so dense, you couldn't see 10 ft in front of you on the ride up. Just had bicyclists come through as they climbed the hill and then turned around and went ripping down it. about 10am, the sun was fighting hard to peek through, and all of a sudden I heard a roar of bikes, and all these guys rolled up. I know the majority of them, from random motorcycle events in the bay area, and it was nice to break the monotony of hanging out by myself up there. We bullshitted for a while, and then I headed back to the city for some sleep.

Lazy afternoon...

So the other day Jes and I went for a drive. We drove around for a bit and checked out the area on Judah St. This is what Jes looks like when she is pulled over, and then the subsequent photo is what she looks like when the cuteness doesn't work. :P It's usually the same look that I have.


The sun was setting just right on Judah St.


...and this is what happens when your suitcase attacks you and you are left with no recourse other than to beat the ever living shit out of your rolling suitcase, till it is in pieces and you are safe. HAHAHAHAHAHA This homeless guy, looked drunk, was walking by, and one of the wheels on his rolling suitcase got caught in the sidewalk, and the suitcase turned over, well, I think it was the last straw as this probably was happening a lot...he turned on the suitcase, slammed it, kicked it, punched it, ripped the handle off and began to beat it, all as Jes and I stared with huge grins on our heads, till she said "should we be staring?" and all I could hear was the clicking of my camera as I tried to take as many photos as possible. We both laughed our asses off for a while on that one. San Francisco, it entertains you sometimes.

Damn! R.I.P.

A somber update, but just learned that T.M.T. a hasher that I've known for some time, and also a fellow Knuckledragger, husband to U.P.S from the El Paso region passed away on Sunday. Don't know the details, and it's kind of rude to ask, but I hope he's in a better place, and my condolences to U.P.S. I know they were looking forward to host a bunch of KDH3 and hashers at their place in El Paso for the upcomming Tex-Mex hash weekend, this coming January.

Hoist a beer for T.M.T. I'll dig up some photos of him at the last Tex-Mex and try and post.

on on

Reflection

One of my favorite pictures...just thought I'd share...

Some friends posted this video for me. Of course, hahaha, didn't realize that Phill Collins was such a fan! :D

Today

A mellow day today, went for a short ride with my friend Stan in San Francisco, met up at zeitgeist for a cheeseburger and some pbr. Then rode up to twin peaks (sorry I haven't taken you), took a photo of the city in the background. Then we rode over Golden Gate Bridge to the Marin headlands to the top where the canon emplacements used to be. Took some photos there with the bridge and the city in the background. It's been a decent day, the weather is very nice.

Rode back through the Marina and stopped at Jones for another pbr. Didn't think I'd see Jes be embarrassed about singing in public, but apparently she was. haha It's all good. I was serenated in the morning, much to my delight.

Dear Jessica.....

..there's something I need to tell you........



Time to, right-click-save, copy, paste and send!!!! :D HAHAHAHA!!!!

trying to keep busy as hell. easier that way.

I think I'll hit the climbing gym some today, if I don't work. I heard brownie needs some help with his bouldering skills, cause even his sister can take him. :)
and cause he keeps getting punked by girls.

I think I need to make a decision and stick to it.

I think I hurt the ones I want the most and that is a downfall of mine that I have to work out..more than likely alone.

I think my goal of being free of any ties (debt) by mid next year is a good thing, no matter what happens.

Getting into the groove of working 4 shifts a week, has gotten easier, and I think it was a good decision to start working more.

My friends tried to convince me to go to a race weekend near Bakersfield on the 20th of December. New track, and new organization. I'm very tempted. We'll see how the money situation works out. I have the time off after getting my schedule today.

I think I'm barking up the wrong tree and need to let it go.

I hope to have fun this week, maybe even see some live music.